Bruised Egos are often upsetting because whatever that had transpired to bruise your ego hits at your pride and makes you feel hurt, stupid, silly, less important, less valuable and leaves a sour taste in your mouth like Lemons. Ironically, I love Lemons lol.
So for most of us, the fear of having a bruised ego, fear of falling on our face, fear of being rejected, fear of confrontation, fear of being emotionally vulnerable, fear of any kind of change stops us in our tracks of moving forward towards something great, stops us from trying new things, stops us from leaving a toxic marriage, stops us from cutting off friends who no longer lift us up, stops us from being open and communicating with our spouse, stops us from saying what we really mean and etc and etc. Because fundamentally, no one wants to feel like a failure or a loser and no one wants to fall on their face. It can eat at our self-esteem and we might worry that if it gets to us too much, we will manifest into the loser that we think everyone can already see.
If I could go back to give a piece of advice to my 21 year old, I would say
“Go get your egos bruised! They are great for you! You don’t know they are great for you yet but trust me. You will” & “Listen to your Mama!!”…. lol okay maybe 2 pieces of advice instead…
In an ideal world, everyone will be and feel perfect. No one will have self-esteem issues. In the real world, it doesn’t work like that. We see campaigns, education, awareness all over the world repeating the message “Stop Bullying”. Don’t get me wrong. I am in full support of awareness. I like to think that when we are aware, we can all choose to do better.
But I don’t want Ryan to grow up just thinking that Bullying is bad. Well it is bad obviously. But most importantly, I want him to grow up developing that tenacity in his belly to find his own voice when things get tough and only way to develop that tenacity…that finesse…that fire in your belly is by being open to getting your ego bruised, your heart broken, your feelings hurt, your self-esteem in doubt. If you close your heart and mind to everything out of fear, sure you never get hurt but you also never learn and grow. & my dad always told me that people make too big of a deal about bruised egos. Be upset about it & then move on. As he says, no one has ever died because of a bruised ego.
Sure, it be hard for me as a Mama not to want to run in, scoop my baby and tell him Screw it…..everything will be okay and Mama will fix everything. And I know I will struggle emotionally when I see Ryan struggle just as my mom would have struggled when I was bullied and isolated for 2 years in secondary school. But that is okay too. I think that if I hadn’t been bullied and isolated for 2 years in school, I wouldn’t be the same person as I am now. And dun kid yourself. My feelings still get hurt. I am still not immune to pain and suffering and hurt. And things still chip at my confidence at times but I like that I am growing. I like that I am imperfect. And I know that whatever comes my way and even better, no matter how down and negative and whiny I feel at any given point in time, that fire in my belly is mine and no one else owns it but me. And sure, i can still get down and sad and whiny but that fire will always take me back to light. No one can extinguish your fire except you or unless you allow them to. Part of growing is also about accountability. If you allow someone to extinguish your fire, is it really just the other person’s fault?
So, I say Go get your ego bruised and take that sour lemon taste in your mouth. Lemons are healthy anyway for you lol. And tapping into your circle of empowering people who helps lift you up always always always help 😀
And yes, Listen To Your Mama too lol
Happy 41th Birthday to myself 😀
LAZY MOMMY GUIDE 